Kim: The focus point and DOF are not right. Her nose is in focus but the eye is not. I think in portrait work the eyes are most important.
Also, I'm sure she has gorgeous skin but the camera in very unforgiving. I know nothing about makeup but I think a super tight shot like this demands it. The devil is in the details I guess.
However, The composition and idea are great.
Ps.. I am no portrait photographer, is only what I see..